Monday, August 1, 2011

In a Funk

When I started this blog, I wanted to document my journey in whether it be in prepping for marriage, life there after, life in a new town or just life. While a lot of post have been light and airy, I need a post that touches some not-so-upbeat reality.

This is that post.

The hubs came home for a hot minute this weekend. Thank goodness because I was in a serious funk.

As most of you know that I haven’t really acclimated to South Florida.

Okay, so I may have acclimated to this ...

Now, Mark’s boss is looking at the possibility of a future business venuture that would enable Mark to be in one place more than he is gone. (What?! Have a husband that is home every night?!)

And while Mark is talking about different places that this venture could take us in the future, I have a huge fear that no matter where we go, I won’t like it, I won’t find people that I connect with and it will be Miami all over again.

I know, I know … this is an fallacy and I’m being a tad-bit dramatic, but the last year and a half really hit me hard. I feel like I am just trying to get through the next year and a half. And if you know me, I am not one to feel comfortable sitting idle.

So my funk began. The hubs flew in on Saturday and after some tears (mine) and “I’m sorrys” (his, though it was because he couldn’t make it better, not because he did anything) and hugs and a two-hour nap, I was felt better.

Mark took me out to dinner, and we talked about my funk.

I am EXTREMELY shy. I’ve known my best friend since first grade. Most of my other close friends are from high school. And the few friends I have from college or church are because we either lived together or shared life together.

I’m friendly, but not out-going. It’s not that I can’t meet people, but it takes a lot out of me. As my husband says, I can turn it on when I need to, but it’s almost like I’m not fully myself. I’m not fake, but I do have to put on an act.

And frankly, between school and homework and the terrible, traffic-filled, two hour commute and errands and dogs and … oh, yeah trying to find something (book, hobby, work out, etc.) that makes me at least a little bit interesting (... most people glaze over when I try to explain acupuncture or Spleen Qi deficiency to them), I’m too tired to try to put on my act.

So I’ve given up, and I ended up in a funk.

My husband, who is very out-going, assured me that once we actually live together, friends will come. We compliment each other. He’s the yang to my yin.

Then it hit me: a majority of my close friends have been my “yangs:” Out-going, friendly, story-tellers, easy to talk to and easy to befriend. I’m fun and friendly, but I’m a bit reserved (though I have moments). I’ve never been without a “yang” until a year and a half ago.

A few of the yangs and yins

So there is no conclusion to this story. I am temporarily out of my funk. I know I need to trust that God has my back, and He will put people in my life at an appropriate time, but it’s hard.

1 comment:

  1. From one funk-a-teer to another, I know where you're coming from. I've had a few years in a row riddled with periods of funk, brought on by different yet similar reasons. I don't have a cure, but I have advice that has helped me de-funk-ify.

    Get a routine. Get up every day at the same time. Get a shower and get dressed, even if you're not going anywhere. Not PJ pants dressed, but real dressed. Like even put shoes on.

    Make your house your true "home base."

    Find a place to go outside of your house where you can breathe. Really breathe. For me, I only go to that place to sit and breathe on rare occasions, so it's a treat when I do go. (A pond in a park where I can watch ducks, listen to frogs, and read in the sun.)

    Recognize the funk, admit there is a funk, don't beat yourself up for being in the funk, and let the funk go when you're ready to.

    You're wonderful. You will get through it. And if/when it comes back, lather, rinse, repeat.