It’s always sad
flying from Ohio back to Florida.
I was away this
weekend for a friends wedding.
I didn’t
take nearly any enough photos, so I’m stealing this from FB (thanks Julie!), because Michelle looked
beautiful.
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| Her dress is Justin Alexander, one of my favorite wedding designers, who, if I had to do it all over again I would wear this creation: |
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| IN LOVE! |
About a month ago I
was home (funny, how after almost three years, I still consider Ohio home), for
this lady’s wedding:
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| The beautiful Mechs :) |
But I was in Sara's wedding, so this time I got to play “guest” and mingle! It was so great to see and chat with all my
girlfriends. We are all in such
different places in our lives, and some on more different paths than other, but
we all come together like old times.
…. Speaking of old
times: I ate like old times. I swear if
I still lived in Cincinnati there would be no way for me to be a successful
bikini competitor.
Michelle’s wedding
featured Cincinnati chili as the main meal (seriously, I love Cincinnati-style
veggie chili), and the centerpieces were
BonBonerie torts, each table a
different flavor.
And finally she
offered
Graeter’s ice cream.
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| Yes, the chucks of chocolate are that big!!!! |
I was actually pretty
good, consuming no alcohol, a small salad and a small veggie two-way, a piece
of Lemon Moon cake and about a third of a piece of White Chocolate Romance
(possibly my new favorite, hint hint Mom, for my birthday or graduation), and only a scoop of black raspberry chocolate chip.
And none of it I
regret.
I have been wrestling
with whether to continue competing.
Am I terrified I will
gain weight? Yes.
Am I terrified of
becoming a quitter? Yes.
Do I like the physical
challenge competing offers? Yes.
Do I like the community
of women involved in the sport? Yes.
But most
important: Is training and competing fulfilling?
No.
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| Not competing scares me, but maybe I need to open myself up to something new. |
Not only is it not
fulfilling, working out is no longer my escape.
Most days, working
out is something I have to do.
Now, I’m not saying
that I will never walk into a gym again.
But I want to work out for the purpose of a healthy life, not to have 10
percent body fat.
I do enjoy waking up
in the early hours beating out a few squats and a run. The early morning workouts ground me and
prepare me for the day.
But with my master’s
program almost finished, and four national board exams staring me in the face, suddenly competing doesn’t feel so important anymore.
Competing had its
purpose, but even though I’m in the health and fitness field, competing’s
purpose lacks substance now. I don't really
want my pro card, and even if I did there is no guarantee that if I looked
flawless and more fit every time I step on a stage that I would get my pro
card, even after years of competing. And it’s an expensive sport (How expensive? Quality bikinis can start at $200, most on
the pros are a few hundred).
I want to focus on my
future outside the gym; both in my future career and in future endeavors.
Competing happened
because it was on my bucket list. I have
other items on my bucket list.
One of
them is backpacking.
I was reading a magazine
article about a pair of backpackers who were on Isle Royale, a small island in
Lake Superior known for it’s legendary, yet dwindling, wolf and moose
populations. Why so legendary? Both happened to end up on the island via a
15-mile ice bridge from Canada 60 years ago.
Yet, come 2020, the wolves may be extinct.
The backpackers spend five days
hiking and camping on the island, hoping to catch a glimpse of the nine
remaining wolves that inhabit the island. While they spent two nights listening
to wolves howl in harmony, they spend the following morning in their tent,
listening to howls and branches break around them as a wolf (or wolves) were
just yards away. One backpacker was able
to snap a quick photo of the wolf as it ran off in the misty morning. A wolf belonging to a pack that could be
extinct in seven years.
Reading the
backpackers wolf encounter gave me chills of excitement.
I don’t get chills of
excitement when reading Oxygen or FitnessRX (both publications I still love,
nonetheless).
I want to climb Mt.
Shasta.
Backpack part of the Appalachian
Trail. I’d love to take the Hubs to the Grand Tetons, backpack the Grand Canyon
and the Narrows in Zion too.
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| The Narrows |
Physical
fitness is necessary for these trips. Proper nutrition is needed too. But I would be trading my bikini for hiking
boots and two-a-day showers for possible two (or more!) days without one.
And that excites me.
