Wednesday, October 20, 2010

After the White Dress, Do Things Change?


Yesterday was our one-month anniversary. I thought I’d get a post in before the wedding, and at least right after the wedding, but c’est la vie.

Not a lot has happened since married life began. We did get a puppy … while on our “mini-moon.” She is a 2-month-old Border Collie mix, named Morgan. She’s a handful, but oh-so-cute. Martini, my Chihuahua-mix has gotten somewhat use to the idea that Morgan is here to stay, and I even caught them playing a few times.

So, how did Mark and I celebrate being not-so-newlywedded? I believe Mark scoured Charleston, SC for Chinese takeout for his boss. I celebrated by cleaning up after a certain puppy and making my muscle, nerve, action chart for my musculoskeletal anatomy class. See, just two weeks after we were wed, Mark had to go back to work and has been gone for two-and-a-half weeks. That means we have spent more time apart as newlyweds than we have together. Which pretty much 1. defines our relationship and that should mean that 2. I didn’t expect much to change once we got married.

… But maybe I did.

Mark and I had a talk on our drive to Naples for our mini-moon. He had the rest of the month off, so while I was running around trying to catch up with school and clinic, he spent all day alone in our shoebox of an apartment. Those four walls are enough to drive anyone crazy (I know!), and they ended up frustrating Mark a bit. He expected something different than waiting for me to come home from school everyday. I laughed and asked what he expected to change. He said he wasn’t sure, but he just expected something different. I told him a majority of my married friends said really not much changed after the tux was returned and the white dress preserved.

But now I have the same feeling as Mark. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. Now it’s my turn to sit at home alone. Mark comes home on Thursday, and while I can’t wait to see him, it’s hard knowing his time here is short-spent. And it’s even harder to start a life with constant interruptions.

I am not bitter or upset about Mark being away or his job. It has to happen. I’m in school for another two years. Mark makes good money and he likes his job … at least most of the time. And we’ve spent a majority of our relationship apart. But something in me is ready to move on to the next step … and no, not babies. (I think a 2-month-old puppy is great birth control.)

No, I want to make friends, buy a couch, graduate from pouring a bowl of Lucky Charms for dinner to actually cooking for someone. And while Morgan and Martini would love my cooking, they aren’t great conversationalist. I guess I just didn’t expect to be single and alone after getting married.

I’ve heard that brides often go through a bit of a depression after the wedding is over. For the most part, I believe it’s a loss of such a major part of someone’s day-to-day life over the past year. But I think for me it is the realization that, after almost a year of being here, I don’t have a life in Florida. My family and my friends are up north. And the one person who I care about more than anything isn’t here consistently. When he does return, it’s hurry up and hang out. There’s little appreciation for just being together because there is little time.

Where are future leads us is obviously up to God, and I just pray that Mark and I finally end up someplace together.

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